As I previously posted, we've had a few up's and down's over this holiday break...more down's than up's though unfortunately. We had Grandma Clark's funeral this past Thursday, it was such a great service! The weather was cold but it very sunny, a lot of good memories were shared, and I met a lot of family that I hadn't met yet. The funeral slightly reminded me of my Mimi and Poppy Ladner's funeral a few years ago. Although, I'm still not too sure if it had anything to do with all the "cowboy attire" most people had on.
I LOVED and still do love my grandparents very much and think about them quite often. Through thinking about them and then hearing of the kind of woman Grandma Clark was, really made me think of what people will say about me at my funeral (hopefully quite a few years down the road...)
I know I can be short-tempered, slightly OCD with keeping our place clean, I am definitely a complainer no matter how hard I try not to be, and I'm not the best cook but I've learned that being the best person you can be is the trick to getting "good reviews" when that day comes.
I'm going to practice my cooking because I have no reason not to be a good cook- we have a real stove and don't have to use a wood burning one. I'm not going to complain so much because I don't have a pump water or wash laundry in a basin. I'm going to continue with keeping the house clean but not be so quick to anger when the floor needs to be swept again the next day. Afterall, the house is the only thing I need to keep clean because we don't have a farm or chicken coop to deal with so it could be worse. I live close to conveniences and don't have to grow and harvest every single necessity.
We have life so easy these days that we tend to get upset when life almost isn't handed to us or that it's not "easy enough!" Challenges build character and I want to have a lot of character like my grandparents and especially Grandma Clark- she was a lil' firecracker! I want to be an example. If a little old woman like Grandma Clark and a partially paralyzed Mimi Francis and an old, cheerful Indian man like Poppy Ladner can make such a significant impact on people's lives, then I know that I can too.
So as my New Year has begun, I now welcome challenges and challenge myself to tread right through them with as much strength and optimism that I can muster! Life is too short to not learn more about yourself and your capabilities. I choose to have a more cheerful and happy disposition, less grumpiness. I will work hard for myself and our future family. I will also find time to enjoy life's simplest pleasures with those that I love and also by myself. May you too, find your challenges as character builders and not unwelcomed events. Happy New Year to everyone...and to you, 2011, please don't be too rough on us.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A very different Christmas...
This Christmas was a hard one for me. It was the first time in "Allayna history" that I wasn't home for the holidays. Usually we do Thanksgiving with Josh's family and Christmas with mine but considering we were in the middle of exams and moving from Ephraim to Ogden, Utah, there really wasn't much time for travel...we hardly had time to buy Christmas presents! What made it even harder was knowing that none of my other sisters who live in other parts of Utah weren't going to make it home either. It made my heart hurt even worse for my parents and my youngest sister who is the only one left at home; just the thought of Christmas for my parents and Candace seemed lonely.
I do love Josh's family so much though, so if I couldn't be at home then this is the place I'd want to be. Since we moved to Ogden, we've been living with Josh's grandparents who also take care of his great-grandmother, Grandma Clark. She is a hilarious woman, though I don't think she ever tried to be...she just was. Over Thanksgiving, we've noticed her health going down hill fairly quick. She's 92 so she's definitely had a long life. Since moving in with them about a week ago, she became for the most part immobile, very weak and uncomfortable. It was so hard to watch, we all love her! To add to a heavy heart from being away from home on Christmas, Grandma Clark passed away in her bed on Christmas morning.
The thought kept occurring to me throughout Christmas day that she went so long being without her husband, parents and siblings that she finally gets to have a "Christmas Morning" with them again but in heaven and she's healthy...how perfect that must be for her. I figured that one Christmas for me away from my home was okay because I know I'll see them again soon. Despite the loss, we had a great Christmas. We all hugged each other a little tighter that day, something I think we all needed, all for different reasons. Thank you Grandma Clark.
I do love Josh's family so much though, so if I couldn't be at home then this is the place I'd want to be. Since we moved to Ogden, we've been living with Josh's grandparents who also take care of his great-grandmother, Grandma Clark. She is a hilarious woman, though I don't think she ever tried to be...she just was. Over Thanksgiving, we've noticed her health going down hill fairly quick. She's 92 so she's definitely had a long life. Since moving in with them about a week ago, she became for the most part immobile, very weak and uncomfortable. It was so hard to watch, we all love her! To add to a heavy heart from being away from home on Christmas, Grandma Clark passed away in her bed on Christmas morning.
The thought kept occurring to me throughout Christmas day that she went so long being without her husband, parents and siblings that she finally gets to have a "Christmas Morning" with them again but in heaven and she's healthy...how perfect that must be for her. I figured that one Christmas for me away from my home was okay because I know I'll see them again soon. Despite the loss, we had a great Christmas. We all hugged each other a little tighter that day, something I think we all needed, all for different reasons. Thank you Grandma Clark.
On a lighter note, I got some good gifts this year!
Smashbox lip gloss in Baby Pout- my fav!
Columbia Wind Groove Fleece (almost like VELVET!) Jacket
Simply Vera by Vera Wang Shoes
Really cute scarf, shirt and headband from my little sister
My purse that I got as an early Christmas present
AND...
this beautiful diamond necklace from my babe! Thank you so much, I love it and I LOVE YOU!
I hope everyone had a VERY Merry Christmas this year, it'll be here again before we know it!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Movin' on...
So long Snow College, it's been nice knowin' ya...
Dear Weber State, please be nice to me...
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I'm quitting the clean-plate club!
Oh, motivation, where have you been?
Not that any of you care, this just needs to be documented for my own personal use...
Come March, I will look like this!
I have always tried really hard to keep myself in shape but as of this past summer, I have had absolutely no desire to work out. My eating habits have even slipped quite a bit. That's just not like me and I'm not happy with myself in that regard.
So, my thanks go to Thanksgiving for amping up my desire to get back to pre-wedding shape. I also have a cruise in March to look forward to and to use as my deadline.
This is how I plan to achieve this:
-lots of water and VitaminWaters (I love those!)
-more fruit/veggies
-whole wheat breads (no white enriched crap)
-lean meats (chicken, minimal steak, pork loin, turkey)
-less eating out (limit to once a week)
-I'm not going to deprive myself so I'll still have a few sweets but only in moderation
-work out 4-5 times a week for at least 1 hour (I'll make up a work-out schedule)
-prioritize my time- less tv/down time, more studying/reading, going on walks, gym
-take my Flinestones daily (yes, I do still take those- I love them!)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
My 25 Thankful's...
25. I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in...and for those days that I don't have to get out of it. It's VERY rare.
24. I am thankful for warm baths to relieve my tension headaches that I get more often than I'd like.
23. I am thankful for Coca-Cola, the fizzy-burn... feels sooooo good.
22. I am thankful for the blessing of being able to continue my education, though some days I wish the school would burn.
21. I am thankful for snow plows and sand trucks, without them I wouldn't be able to go and get a Coke.
20. I am thankful for seat warmers in the Jeep, nothing like toasty buns!
19. I am thankful for holidays and the opportunity to be with loved ones...and no school.
18. I am thankful for "Black Friday" and the opportunity to shop, though I do more of it than I should. It's like Women's Independence Day...the guys play with their guns and hand over all cash, cards and keys to the women.
17. I am thankful for Facebook, MSNBC is getting to be too dramatic for me.
16. I am thankful for my new coat that Josh is letting me wear before Christmas...because it's 7 degrees outside. Literally.
15. I am thankful for a husband that is such a great cook that I no longer have to cook. I think he prefers it that way. Although, I do admit that I make a mean batch of frosted sugar cookies. Just don't tell him that Betty Crocker helps me.
14. I am thankful for laughing and those who make me laugh. It breaks me from any bad mood I am probably in.
13. I am thankful for vacations and the ability I have had to travel to fun and BEAUTIFUL places. It makes me feel like a little kid who wants to run and see EVERYTHING before times up!
12. I am thankful for stormy weather during the summer. It gets me a little excited. I am quite the weather nerd.
11. I am thankful for winter who helps me appreciate the sun and warm weather. Speaking of sun, I need some. Bad.
10. I am thankful for my health and the blessing it is for Josh that I am not sick often...it isn't pretty.
9. I am thankful for Leo, my cat whom without, I would be lost.
8. I am thankful for Josh's job and the ability he has to work all summer long and make a really good living for us only to spend endless hours with me in the off-season. It's worth it. He told me.
7. I am thankful for Thanksgiving and opportunity to really reflect on blessings, family and things that are important to me.
6. I am thankful for Candace, the "baby" sister who has such a strong and powerful spirit. You're such a great example to me and those who know you. Everyone loves you but not more than I do...you're priceless to me.
5. I am thankful for Jordan, my younger sister whom I admire greatly! She has such a positive attitude towards life and she sets aside every single personal care and worry for someone else's. She will never be too busy to sit and listen. She has the biggest tender heart that has probably ever existed and will EVER exist. I am thankful for Blaine too, for taking such good care of you and making you...and the rest of us, laugh all the time.
4. I am thankful for Devin, my little sister who has taught me more persistence and determination than anyone could have ever taught me, I still don't know how you do what you do so successfully. And I am thankful for Dallas for loving you and taking such good care of you.
3. I am thankful for my sweet husband who has shown me more patience and unconditional love than I probably deserve. Without him, Leo and I would be lost.
2. I am thankful for such amazing and kind parents who constantly give their all and then some, to raise our family so close-knit. I have learned the true value of hard work, charity and love by their constant example.
1. I am thankful for my Savior and his endless blessings he so generously blesses me with, trust me, there are some days that I don't feel worthy of anything. I can be a straight up b-r-a-t.
24. I am thankful for warm baths to relieve my tension headaches that I get more often than I'd like.
23. I am thankful for Coca-Cola, the fizzy-burn... feels sooooo good.
22. I am thankful for the blessing of being able to continue my education, though some days I wish the school would burn.
21. I am thankful for snow plows and sand trucks, without them I wouldn't be able to go and get a Coke.
20. I am thankful for seat warmers in the Jeep, nothing like toasty buns!
19. I am thankful for holidays and the opportunity to be with loved ones...and no school.
18. I am thankful for "Black Friday" and the opportunity to shop, though I do more of it than I should. It's like Women's Independence Day...the guys play with their guns and hand over all cash, cards and keys to the women.
17. I am thankful for Facebook, MSNBC is getting to be too dramatic for me.
16. I am thankful for my new coat that Josh is letting me wear before Christmas...because it's 7 degrees outside. Literally.
15. I am thankful for a husband that is such a great cook that I no longer have to cook. I think he prefers it that way. Although, I do admit that I make a mean batch of frosted sugar cookies. Just don't tell him that Betty Crocker helps me.
14. I am thankful for laughing and those who make me laugh. It breaks me from any bad mood I am probably in.
13. I am thankful for vacations and the ability I have had to travel to fun and BEAUTIFUL places. It makes me feel like a little kid who wants to run and see EVERYTHING before times up!
12. I am thankful for stormy weather during the summer. It gets me a little excited. I am quite the weather nerd.
11. I am thankful for winter who helps me appreciate the sun and warm weather. Speaking of sun, I need some. Bad.
10. I am thankful for my health and the blessing it is for Josh that I am not sick often...it isn't pretty.
9. I am thankful for Leo, my cat whom without, I would be lost.
8. I am thankful for Josh's job and the ability he has to work all summer long and make a really good living for us only to spend endless hours with me in the off-season. It's worth it. He told me.
7. I am thankful for Thanksgiving and opportunity to really reflect on blessings, family and things that are important to me.
6. I am thankful for Candace, the "baby" sister who has such a strong and powerful spirit. You're such a great example to me and those who know you. Everyone loves you but not more than I do...you're priceless to me.
5. I am thankful for Jordan, my younger sister whom I admire greatly! She has such a positive attitude towards life and she sets aside every single personal care and worry for someone else's. She will never be too busy to sit and listen. She has the biggest tender heart that has probably ever existed and will EVER exist. I am thankful for Blaine too, for taking such good care of you and making you...and the rest of us, laugh all the time.
4. I am thankful for Devin, my little sister who has taught me more persistence and determination than anyone could have ever taught me, I still don't know how you do what you do so successfully. And I am thankful for Dallas for loving you and taking such good care of you.
3. I am thankful for my sweet husband who has shown me more patience and unconditional love than I probably deserve. Without him, Leo and I would be lost.
2. I am thankful for such amazing and kind parents who constantly give their all and then some, to raise our family so close-knit. I have learned the true value of hard work, charity and love by their constant example.
1. I am thankful for my Savior and his endless blessings he so generously blesses me with, trust me, there are some days that I don't feel worthy of anything. I can be a straight up b-r-a-t.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Not sure why I'm posting about this...I just hope it helps to clear my head.
So, this is a way random post but it's been way too frequent in my head. Some of you may laugh and some might try to share advice (which I still have hope that it might help) and some may just say to yourself, "she's such a wimp" or "she's just psyching herself out." I wish that was the case...! Some of you even already know because I definitely have a hard time keeping it to myself.
I want to first start off by saying that I am currently not pregnant nor have any plans in the near future to be pregnant. With that said, the reason why is because I am terrified. I admit, I believe it is due to a lot of misconceptions I've had over the years from friends who've had babies and their experiences of pregnancy. It's not so much that I'm afraid of the labor aspect, or that our lives will change forever with a new one because honestly, I am sooo excited to be a mom someday! I just have control issues, I think. I don't like knowing that I don't have any control over my body for NINE MONTHS! I don't want morning sickness that won't go away, I don't want heartburn, I don't want more headaches than I already get, I just don't want to be uncomfortable for so long and still try to have a life and pretend that I'm feeling normal. I'm sure this is something that I'll just have to get over when I eventually do find out that I'm pregnant but as for right now, it is DEFINITELY preventing me from getting to that point.
Several posts ago, I blogged about problems with my birth control implant that had to eventually be removed. I was absolutely miserable for two months with anxiety, being nauseous, constant horrible headaches and not getting enough sleep that I think my mind has associated those symptoms from birth control hormones to be similar to what I will experience in actuality. However, since having it removed, I almost think I have more anxiety because of the increased risk of getting pregnant. I don't know why I have such a hard time with the thoughts/feelings of this and honestly, it really bothers me! I feel like I'm being selfish or that "I'm not enough of a woman" to handle it. It may not even be as bad as I am anticipating...I'm in need of some positive reinforcement that I can keep telling myself when these thoughts occur. Got any?!!
I want to first start off by saying that I am currently not pregnant nor have any plans in the near future to be pregnant. With that said, the reason why is because I am terrified. I admit, I believe it is due to a lot of misconceptions I've had over the years from friends who've had babies and their experiences of pregnancy. It's not so much that I'm afraid of the labor aspect, or that our lives will change forever with a new one because honestly, I am sooo excited to be a mom someday! I just have control issues, I think. I don't like knowing that I don't have any control over my body for NINE MONTHS! I don't want morning sickness that won't go away, I don't want heartburn, I don't want more headaches than I already get, I just don't want to be uncomfortable for so long and still try to have a life and pretend that I'm feeling normal. I'm sure this is something that I'll just have to get over when I eventually do find out that I'm pregnant but as for right now, it is DEFINITELY preventing me from getting to that point.
Several posts ago, I blogged about problems with my birth control implant that had to eventually be removed. I was absolutely miserable for two months with anxiety, being nauseous, constant horrible headaches and not getting enough sleep that I think my mind has associated those symptoms from birth control hormones to be similar to what I will experience in actuality. However, since having it removed, I almost think I have more anxiety because of the increased risk of getting pregnant. I don't know why I have such a hard time with the thoughts/feelings of this and honestly, it really bothers me! I feel like I'm being selfish or that "I'm not enough of a woman" to handle it. It may not even be as bad as I am anticipating...I'm in need of some positive reinforcement that I can keep telling myself when these thoughts occur. Got any?!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
No Regrets
Through having one of the easiest semesters of my college career, I seemed to have learned the most about myself thus far. To others, this may come as an embarrassment of being asked how old I am and going to school at this particular campus. I'm 26 and I'm attending a 2-year school. Sound pathetic? I don't care. I was asked to write a simple 2-page paper that required me to look back in my life at any specific event that has shaped me as the person that I feel I am today, and to find a career that would be a good match to that particular event.
I looked back at my family life as a kid. I had a great upbringing! Awesome parents, the funnest three younger sisters ever, family vacations and Friday night treat-nights. I looked back at the memories I had of all my best girlfriends. We we're inseparable! Every weekend was a sleepover with probably 12-14 of us, without fail! We had some drama, we had some laughs and we had some cries together, all of which I will never forget. High school was great also! I had a good group of friends there too. I had fun doing what I loved, being in Cosmetology and getting my license, going to pep rallies, seeing all my friends during passing periods, and eating lunch at "the cool table."
None seemed to enlighten me on which career would fit until I looked back to "post high school." Some of the biggest events that seemed to twinge my emotional nerve we're my grandparents passing away. Realizing that college wasn't my knack, although I got a 4.0 my first semester, I just did not enjoy the experience. Moving out on my own only to find myself in an abusive marriage. Upon getting out of that situation, finding a really good job that I was able to support myself on. Not that my parents wouldn't have helped me but I was bound and determined to "be my own person." Then, since becoming "my own person," I have found someone who truly loves me and I, the same for him! It's funny because I thought to myself that with the exception of my career and marrying Josh, that most of those experiences we're so negative at the time. I would hate to have a career that was centered around that.
I won't go into detail on the career that I chose because it's slightly irrelevant but it helped me put into perspective the feelings I had when being asked how old I was and why I was still at Snow College. I realized that in the past seven years or so since graduation, I have had a life that most of these "younger college kids" and even some my age haven't had. It's typical for kids to go straight to college after graduation...some of which I still believe are mentally still stuck in high school. (just in my opinion.) But I have had a "life!" I've had a career that paid really well, I've lived in and paid for my own place, along with all of my expenses- and it was a really nice place at that! I've traveled to quite a few different places. I've been married twice (not for bragging rights by any means but the experiences are quite significant.)
I know who I am today because of these experiences. I don't believe I'll recite this to the next person that asks how old I am but I know that when that time comes, I won't lie about my age (not that I ever did!) I will feel proud that I am in school when I thought it wasn't meant for me, and that I'm married to an amazing man when I thought there weren't any out there and that I've seen places that I thought I'd never get to go to before and after marrying Josh and that I know that I am a strong individual who chooses the path her life will take and can change that path when it's misdirected. I know that when/if I needed to, I know that I have great career experience and can support myself and my family and lastly, that family is the most precious gift anyone could have.
Because of this, I have no regrets.
I looked back at my family life as a kid. I had a great upbringing! Awesome parents, the funnest three younger sisters ever, family vacations and Friday night treat-nights. I looked back at the memories I had of all my best girlfriends. We we're inseparable! Every weekend was a sleepover with probably 12-14 of us, without fail! We had some drama, we had some laughs and we had some cries together, all of which I will never forget. High school was great also! I had a good group of friends there too. I had fun doing what I loved, being in Cosmetology and getting my license, going to pep rallies, seeing all my friends during passing periods, and eating lunch at "the cool table."
None seemed to enlighten me on which career would fit until I looked back to "post high school." Some of the biggest events that seemed to twinge my emotional nerve we're my grandparents passing away. Realizing that college wasn't my knack, although I got a 4.0 my first semester, I just did not enjoy the experience. Moving out on my own only to find myself in an abusive marriage. Upon getting out of that situation, finding a really good job that I was able to support myself on. Not that my parents wouldn't have helped me but I was bound and determined to "be my own person." Then, since becoming "my own person," I have found someone who truly loves me and I, the same for him! It's funny because I thought to myself that with the exception of my career and marrying Josh, that most of those experiences we're so negative at the time. I would hate to have a career that was centered around that.
I won't go into detail on the career that I chose because it's slightly irrelevant but it helped me put into perspective the feelings I had when being asked how old I was and why I was still at Snow College. I realized that in the past seven years or so since graduation, I have had a life that most of these "younger college kids" and even some my age haven't had. It's typical for kids to go straight to college after graduation...some of which I still believe are mentally still stuck in high school. (just in my opinion.) But I have had a "life!" I've had a career that paid really well, I've lived in and paid for my own place, along with all of my expenses- and it was a really nice place at that! I've traveled to quite a few different places. I've been married twice (not for bragging rights by any means but the experiences are quite significant.)
I know who I am today because of these experiences. I don't believe I'll recite this to the next person that asks how old I am but I know that when that time comes, I won't lie about my age (not that I ever did!) I will feel proud that I am in school when I thought it wasn't meant for me, and that I'm married to an amazing man when I thought there weren't any out there and that I've seen places that I thought I'd never get to go to before and after marrying Josh and that I know that I am a strong individual who chooses the path her life will take and can change that path when it's misdirected. I know that when/if I needed to, I know that I have great career experience and can support myself and my family and lastly, that family is the most precious gift anyone could have.
Because of this, I have no regrets.
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