Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Not sure why I'm posting about this...I just hope it helps to clear my head.

So, this is a way random post but it's been way too frequent in my head. Some of you may laugh and some might try to share advice (which I still have hope that it might help) and some may just say to yourself, "she's such a wimp" or "she's just psyching herself out." I wish that was the case...! Some of you even already know because I definitely have a hard time keeping it to myself.

I want to first start off by saying that I am currently not pregnant nor have any plans in the near future to be pregnant. With that said, the reason why is because I am terrified. I admit, I believe it is due to a lot of misconceptions I've had over the years from friends who've had babies and their experiences of pregnancy. It's not so much that I'm afraid of the labor aspect, or that our lives will change forever with a new one because honestly, I am sooo excited to be a mom someday! I just have control issues, I think. I don't like knowing that I don't have any control over my body for NINE MONTHS! I don't want morning sickness that won't go away, I don't want heartburn, I don't want more headaches than I already get, I just don't want to be uncomfortable for so long and still try to have a life and pretend that I'm feeling normal. I'm sure this is something that I'll just have to get over when I eventually do find out that I'm pregnant but as for right now, it is DEFINITELY preventing me from getting to that point.

Several posts ago, I blogged about problems with my birth control implant that had to eventually be removed. I was absolutely miserable for two months with anxiety, being nauseous, constant horrible headaches and not getting enough sleep that I think my mind has associated those symptoms from birth control hormones to be similar to what I will experience in actuality. However, since having it removed, I almost think I have more anxiety because of the increased risk of getting pregnant. I don't know why I have such a hard time with the thoughts/feelings of this and honestly, it really bothers me! I feel like I'm being selfish or that "I'm not enough of a woman" to handle it. It may not even be as bad as I am anticipating...I'm in need of some positive reinforcement that I can keep telling myself when these thoughts occur. Got any?!!


  1. I completely understand! I was terrified of having a baby. Just from hearing other women's stories and seeing how uncomfortable they were.. So we waited almost two years to have a baby. I'm terrified of needles/shots/anything medical. It just freaks me out.
    But let me tell you: My pregnancy was a breeze. I loved it! I was only uncomfortable the last month or so, but the rest I just absolutely loved. I'm not saying that yours will be a breeze, because it may not be.
    Heavenly Father knows your limits, he knows what you can handle and what you can't. I firmly believe that when you are ready, you will feel ready. Your fears will be calmed and you'll feel at ease with the idea. You're going to be a great mom someday!
    Don't let your feelings make you feel like you're failing in your motherhood roll. When you're ready, you'll know it! Just pray about it and get blessings about it. You'll get there!

  2. I think every woman has fears of having a child. At least somewhat. But as said above, you will know when you are ready. I can tell you this much, seeing someone else go through it is much worse than actually going through it yourself. I'm not saying it's easy, but the end result is so worth it. Knowing that your body is nurturing a baby and feeling that baby move is something that is completely irreplaceable!! You will be able to handle whatever is thrown at you. I can see THAT from your earlier post. I haven't even met you, but I can tell you are a very strong person. And I can tell you will make an awesome Momma! And as for my pregnancies, my morning sickness was not bad at all. With my two boys I didn't have any. This last time, with our girl, I was sick, but once I passed it, it seemed so simple. There are things they can give you for nausea if it IS terrible, which worked for me. And you can also take tums for heartburn. That worked also. I'm sure Josh will take great care of you, and if he doesn't, well you give me a call!!! ;)

  3. I understand your fears and concerns. If it is any comfort to you, my pregnancy was the best time of my life. Yes I had some heartburn, and my body changed, but that is nil compaired to the amazing thing that is happening inside your body. I remember laying in bed feeling Morgan moving and not wanting to go to sleep because it was so exciting. You have more control over your body than you think, eating right and being active(which you do already) goes a long way to getting the pre-pregnancy body back. Knowing now that I will probably not be pregnant again, I wish I had enjoyed it more, because it is truely a miraculous gift from god.

  4. Oh, and you have a wonderful supportive husband, that helps A LOT! (I wish I had that then!)

  5. Lay lay you will make a great mommie! And all of these comments are right. I thought I was going to be miserable, but more often than not, it's not as bad as you think it will be. I'm at 15 weeks and mine has been great so far. It is nice because people treat you so nicely when you are preggers. Your husband does extra chores and, even though he hates driving as much as I do, he will drive too and from work for us so that I can rest. Definately wait until yall are ready though. I feel like Evan and I are going to be ready, even though it happened a little sooner than planned. I love you and you know you will have the support of family and friends too. Love you!